Don’t Go Near the Park – DVD
Dark Sky Films
Don’t Go Near the Park is a B-movie horror film from 1979 that is now seeing release on DVD for the first time that I’m aware of. The film’s story is that two prehistoric cult members abuse teh secret of eternal youth by cannibalizing their own kind and are sentenced with the curse of an eternity of old age. They are able to temporarily recapture their youth and good looks by eating the guts of a human. The two do this while plotting to break their curse by the male character fathering a child and when that child reaches the age of 16, sacrificing it. The story doesn’t make a whole lot of sense really.
Now there are bad movies that are so bad and cheesy they are good, and there are movies that are just bad. This movie had the potential to be the former, but due to poor storytelling, stiff acting, and seemingly random editing, it ends up being the latter. Apparently this movie was once banned due to the “gore” factor, but the bodies look like rubber, the blood is so bright it is nearly orange and resembles paint more than plasma, that I fail to see how it can be so shocking or disturbing to have been deemed dangerous, but things were different in 1979 I guess. The one redeeming factor is a somewhat generous amount of naked woman scenes with ladies with attractive bodies (and even more in the deleted/lost scenes).
The film is presented in anamorphic widescreen and the picture quality is very good, but not perfect. It is far better than you’d expect for a film like this and its age. The sound is mono and was pretty clear. Bonus features include a commentary track, extended and deleted scenes (featuring plenty of nudity and gore), some gore outtakes from a workprint of the film, the trailer and a photo gallery. It certainly was a nice collection of bonus material. The film itself is just shy of 90 minutes long.
While I enjoy cheesy horror flicks more than the next guy, and drive-in style b-movies, this movie was just so bad, even one like myself who prides themselves on having watched plenty of bad movies could find little redeeming qualities in Don’t Go Near the Park. Unless you’re a die-hard fan of this movie from when you were a lot younger, you’d be better served checking out one of the other releases Dark Sky has done lately, however if you are a fan of this movie, you’ll be quite pleased with the package.
Dark Sky Flims website